Not that great season

It seems like December is not a great month for my family (on my mom's side).  Actually it seems like none of the holidays are a great season for my family. Come, December, 31st, it will mark the 20th year anniversary of my mom's death.  I am so not looking forward to that day at all, haven't looked forward to the New Year since she passed.  I try to make it the same ol' thing, just another day.  December 24th marked the 15th year since my Aunt Liz passed away, who is my mother's sister.  They passed 5 years apart and of the same thing, the dreaded two word phrase, breast cancer.  My family also lost my Aunt Bella, who is the wife to my mom's brother Jonathan, earlier this year.  When I thought that all the pain and hurt over loosing someone in my family was gone and done for this year we get hit again with another death.  Early Christmas Morning my cousin, Jesse or as we knew him chewy, was taken from this earth and sent home to be with his mom and the rest of the family that has passed. When you have a family member that is sick and battling an illness it almost prepares you for their death because you just know it is coming, like the case of my mom and aunts.  But Jesse’s death was sudden, unexpected, not foreseen by anyone but our Heavenly Father.  And I think that is what makes it hurt so much more.  When we were young my family was closer than what it is now.  My mom was like the glue to the family and every year we would have Thanksgiving and Christmas together, her other siblings would make the drive from Arizona to come and visit us more often and even my Great Grandpa would come every now and then from Kansas to see us.  It just seemed like everyone flocked around my mother, maybe it was because of her loving spirit.  After she passed it seemed like the family just fell away from each other, we all went our separate ways, and now they are just a memory that is in my head with a glimpse of how they look every now and then in my head.  I know for a fact soon we all will just be a memory then fade to a name and a, oh yeah wasn’t so and so related to us way back when.  In time we will be just a name that pops up every now and then when our ancestor’s decide to do our genealogy, or when someone wanders the cemetery and notices our name in the cement wondering who we were and what we did.   But you know what, no matter what happens to me, if I become a memory or just plain vanish from the planet all together I do know one thing.  I may be gone but I will still live on, and I will be living in heaven with my Heavenly Father and my earthly parents.  Some think that when we pass we will not know each other, that our family units that we have here on earth will no longer be the same in heaven.  I think differently, I have a strong feeling because my love is so deep for my mother, and my dad, that when it is my turn to leave this earth I will be greeted by my mom. She will know me and I will know her!  I think we will all know each other when we get to heaven, that we will not forget whom who is.  But I guess I will have to wait and see, when it is My turn.

Till we meet again

Estrada family:

Jose Estrada 05/03/1947-08/03/1947

Juanita Calderon Estrada 05/27/1924-05/07/1971

Jose CueVas Estrada 03/19/1891-04/01/1979

Rose Estrada Luna 03/06/1945-12/31/1992

Elizabeth Estrada Murillo 03/24/1946-12/24/1997

Jesus Calderon 09/15/1900-05/12/1998

Flavia Barrientos 04/14/1944-10/03/2009

Arabella Estrada 12/01/1953-07/09/2012

Jesus Molina 10/28/1975-12/25/2012

Luna Family:

Stella Ann Ruiz 03/30/1958-01/10/1977

Celso Lara Luna 04/06/1896-08/13/1979

Frederick Martinez 03/02/1939-03/28/2006

Juana Francisca Luna 06/15/1932-12/2007



Let it snow.....NOT

Today is marking the first day of winter for me, the reason behind it....well as the title says it is snowing.  I am so not ready for snow, nor do I want it to be here.  Today I got up early for work, only because Chango called me, and was at work a half hour early.  Luckily I was here early, I spent my half hour shoveling snow from the sidewalks and putting some snow melt down so customers wouldn't slip and slide as they walk in.  It's an hour till my lunch time and I am hoping that by the time I get to lunch the snow will have stopped and the wind would die down.  (But I know better, I am not that fortunate to have that happen.) So I just sit here thinking what I could eat for lunch, knowing I have to walk in this mess.  My ears are frozen,  My face is so cold.  Did I ever mention I hate snow??? I rather be in California where it rains and there is fog so thick that you can't see your nose in front of your face.  But I am here,  the local weather is suppose to be cloudy until tonight, then tomorrow it's suppose to be clear.  People that live here say if you don't like the weather here wait a few days.  I am inpatient, I do not want to wait a few days, I want the snow gone now!!! There is this storm that is coming from the west and headed to the east called Draco this is what they are saying about Draco:
The Weather Channel, which has named the storm Draco, says heavy snow and strong winds will continue in the [Upper Midwest] through Thursday night. And after it finishes with the Upper Midwest, Draco will sweep through the East Coast with rain and wind while turning on the lake-effect snow machine in the Great Lakes," the channel says.
Please, Draco pass soon!!!
Well I better go and turn up the heat, it doesn't look like this thing is passing anytime soon...

My Christmas Present

Even though I will not be spending Christmas with the love of my life, it's okay.  Heavenly Father has blessed us this year with a job for him since he lost his local job back in November.  He will be driving trucks, this time it is not accross the united states, but it is regional.  He will be home more often, not every day like he was but I can live with that.  I'm just glad that we were blessed with him getting a job.  I just hope Heavenly Father will keep him safe on the road as he travels!!!

Stressfulness

Ugh, is all I can say about right now.  Things are a little stressful.  Hubby lost his local job due to lack of experience and the insurance for the company wouldn't cover him so they let him go.  Not good because that just puts a financial burden on us without any notice.  I am still working at the post office, although some of the people here are being butt munches.  Yup, it's the older people that are complaining, all because the postmaster that was here, who had been here for like 20 years, retired and now they come in and here is this new person who is trying her hardest to run it.  I get alot of "well blah blah always did it this way."  At times I want to say, well blah blah isn't here anymore and they never did things the right way anyways. 

Alexander McClintic

A friend here in waverly, mo found this information for genealogy work.

Messed up letters to Missionaries!

Dear Adam,

I just want to start by saying how much I still love and care for you but the truth is the moment your plane took off I ran into Elder Stevens. He was just returning from his mission in England. He asked me for my number and suggested that we meet up. I did and we started seeing more of each other. Occassionally, my mind would drift to you, but I figured that you were having fun with your companion and I needed some fun too. You need to concentrate on your mission thats why I'm only telling you a week before you come home so its not a shock.

I'm engaged, Adam, and I've never been happier! I was wondering, seeing how David is your best friend, he wants you to be a part of the wedding and be his best man. It is understandable of course if you can't bear it and see me with him when we said as you left "see you in white!". I know this may seem harsh but I'm way too good for you. You need some-one a little bit more in your league. David is out of my league but he still loves me. Anyway, I'm babbling, but we'll meet you at the airport when you come home! I'll look forward to showing you the wedding plans and the ring David bought me (sorry, it's the one you were going to buy me, but couldn't afford it)!
Hope this hasn't ruined your day!

All my love, forever, Christine xxxxxxxxxxx



    Dear Amber,

I want you to know that you mean the world to me. I will always treasure the moments we spent together, and I know we will have many more of those moments in the future, considering that I'm marrying your sister Emily in two weeks! Yeah, isn't it crazy! We had wanted you to come to the wedding, but we decided we couldn't wait that long. We're getting married on May 6th in the DC Temple. I know you waited for me on my mission and I promised to wait for you, but I know God had something better in mind for both of us. But we're thinking that we might name our first daughter after you. That would be nice, wouldn't it? I hope we can still be really good friends, otherwise Emily would feel bad. Anyways, have a great day!

~Mike

I voted

So I guess I can say today I voted.  Yeah jump for joy.  Nope not me! First off I went into the polls knowing nothing about anyone except the presidential candidates. Second, where was the info on the propositions that were being passed.  I do have to admit that California has it together when it comes to making sure the voter is informed!!  I guess I am also not happy about voting because honestly I THINK OUR VOTES DO NOT COUNT!!! yup, I said it.  Voting is just something to make the people think they are calling the shots, making the decisions about who is going to run our country.  Me, I don't think that.  Voting is something that is givin to us people to make us think that this is our government.  If that be the case that our vote counts then why the heck back in 19-- oh i forgot the year.  But back then when Al Gore was running for president, the people of the United States voted Al into office but nooooo we all know what happened.  Baby Bush was placed into the white house, why because the stupid Electoral College.  Yup I called it stupid.  It just proved to me that no matter how much us, the people, want someone in office another yahoo is put there.  And boy did this country pay for that decision.  10+ years of war, an economy that today is still not back on track, even food and stuff we buy are expensive while our paychecks remain small.  I think I need to save some money and buy me a nice island somewhere in the pacific and live there on my own, no government, no laws except my own, no one around me. wow now I am starting to sound like my dad.
       So forgive me when I am not happy when I say I voted.  I'm not being antiamerican or even just plain rude.  But I have my reasons as to why I am not happy this year on voting.

Killer of technology

Yup just like the title says, I am a KILLER OF TECHNOLOGY!!! At work I had to migrate my computer from an older system to a newer system.  Of coarse I was wondering where the actual techs were, you know the ones that come out and do it themselves.  But no no one came, I had to do it all by myself.  And the whole time I was saying, I am going to blow something up.  Well unfortionally I didn't blow anything up like I thought I was going to.  Instead I made something that was working no longer work. To top it off I was on the phone with tech support for like an hour waiting for them to say "Well I don't know what to tell you, you did something we can not fix and so we will send someone out to fix it." But those words never came true.  Instead they fixed it!!!! Good ol tech people.  Now I must say, I am headed home!!! Should have been home over an hour ago!

What to do with Flea Bag??

Well it shows how much I have been working lately if I don't really notice my cats.  Yesterday, or should I say lastnight, I noticed that Flea Bag, my female cat, is pregnant.  Yup you read right.  Now I can't be mad at her, or the tom although I would really love to strangle his neck!!!! It honestly is truely my fault for not getting her or the tom fixed.  I knew she was a little hoochie and yet I never fixed her, but of coarse remember I never had the money to do it.  So here is Flea Bag, tummy huge, don't know when she is going to pop, loving.  Well if she actually has the kittens I am so unsure on what I am going to do with them.  Ugh too many animals!!

Are people really reading my blog???

Ever since I have been looking around on the blogger website, I always posted from my phone and not the internet, I have been checking every day to see how much traffic my blog has been having.  Today it said that I have had 32 page views.  I wonder, is it really that many people reading my short little spills or is blogger telling me a lie.  If people are really reading it then why isn't anyone posting comments to my blog.  I would really like to have someone comment.  As long as it isn't a dumb comment.  Like, mormons are morons, or you suck.  I just don't know how people can be that rude to others.  This morning I was just telling my co worker that I don't understand people.  Why is it that people can be so cruel to others.  Totally off subject....ok back on track now.  So people if you are out there reading my inner thoughts, my rants, my raves, my loneless then PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT.  I'll even accept: Becky Joe read this post. Something to know that I am not just writing this for myself but others are reading it.  And hey if one sparks some interest in you let me know too.
Till we meet again.

Mail

Okay so I work in the post office.  Since I have been here I have noticed that people do not check their mail on a regular basis.  Goodness, trying to stuff more mail in an alread full box it pretty dang hard!!! I just don't understand them.  Sometimes I don't check my mail on one or two days, but mail for me is kind of like getting presents on Christmas.  You never know what is going to be in the box.  I know it's a pain when all that seems to come is bills, you get one paid and then it seems like the next day they are sending you another bill.  Or what about that junk mail??? I hate getting it in my emails, but getting it in my snail mail is kind of fun.  I think it's because I can rip it up and toss it in the trash.  But the best thing is when I know I am getting a package in the mail.  The anticipation of waiting for it to come, not what day it is going to be there (unless you track it online, but even then you never know exactly what time it is going to get there), and then when it finally comes you rip into it, open up what ever you ordered and then bam, the excitement is gone.  Once again like presents.  But there are customers here that have let their packages sit for almost a week, and yet they are notified that they got their package.  I just don't understand who people don't really care to check mail.  Chango and I are always fighting (not litterally) to see who is going to check the box, most of the time it is him because I am at work.  But when I get to check it, I get happy.  The only time I hate to check the box is when I open it and all I see is the back of the box.  Standing there laughing at me, telling me haha looser no one loves you.  I have to admit I do get a little upset when I don't have at least one piece of mail, even if it is junk mail I don't care.  I guess you can say I'm just a little weird.  But ever since I was a kid I used to love getting the mail.  I remember seeing the mail man at the corner and I would go and stand by my box with a big smile.  He would hand it to me and I would almost run inside to give it to my parents.  But oh man if the mailman didn't hand it to me,  I never liked him from that day on.  My mom also liked our mailman, she would make fresh home made tortillas (enchilladas, you name it) and put a letter on the mailbox telling him to honk cause she had a present for him.  After a few times he came to know what to expect.  Lets just say the mailman was gaining a tad bit of weight.  I think I might have gotten of my soap box....seems like that.  But anyways, I wish I could leave a note in the box telling them, "hey why don't you keep your box clean so I won't have to struggle to get more mail in it." LOL oh well, can't do nothing about it but complain to myself and hope the next day when I come into work my customers cleaned out their box. =D

Stress, what for?

You know it's funny how us humans stress over the smallest things.  For instance, money and bills.  Payday is coming up soon and so I start making my list of bills, when they need to be paid, what check is going to pay them.  And no sooner do I make the list and add up all the expense do I start stressing over it.  WHY???? I wish I knew the answer!  It's not like the bills are not going to get paid, or even just a partial payment to keep the essentials on.  Goodness.  Bills are my number one stresser, number two is having enough money to keep Chango feed while he is away from home.  I love how Alma put it in the Book of Mormon: 
                                          Alma 39:14

14 Seek not after riches nor the vain things of this world; for behold, you cannot carry them with you.

And yet I still stress over money.  I know the Lord will provide for me if I just ask him to.  He has done it so many times in the past.  Has found a way for me to pay the bills when I thought there was no way and they were on a disconnection notice.  Jacob has even said to seek the Lord:   Jacob 2:18

18 But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.

I must remember that no matter how much I make, or my husband or how little we have I must still remember the Lord in good times and in bad.  The Nephites show such a good example in  Alma 62:49

49 But notwithstanding their riches, or their strength, or their prosperity, they were not lifted up in the pride of their eyes; neither were they slow to remember the Lord their God; but they did humble themselves exceedingly before him. Jacob reminds us that we must seek Christ and also have charity:  Jacob 2:19

19 And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted. I must not be like the people in Helaman 13:22

(22 Ye do not remember the Lord your God in the things with which he hath blessed you, but ye do always remember your riches, not to thank the Lord your God for them; yea, your hearts are not drawn out unto the Lord, but they do swell with great pride, unto boasting, and unto great swelling, envyings, strifes, malice, persecutions, and murders, and all manner of iniquities.) And not remember to thank my Heavenly Father for all he has given me, my job, my husbands job, our home, our car, our family.  For without him we wouldn't have everything.  It pains me that I am not always thanking him for the things he has given me.  I must remember to always count my blessings!!

I must remember:

Alma 37:36

36 Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

Realization of my personal Liahona

Yesterday sister cts suggested we read the book of mormon and start at the Book of Mosiah. So with her eldest daughter and our friend jn r we read chapter 1 together. There has been a verse that stuck jumped out at me. It is Mosiah 1:16 king benjamin talks about "...the ball or director, which led our fathers through the wilderness." that ball was the liahona, a compass given to Lehi. The first mention of the Liahona was in 1Nephi 16:10. In 1Nephi 16:26-29 it mentions the Lord would write messages on it, so that the Nephites would understand what the Lord required of them. It would also change from time to time. 1Nephi 16:28 tells us "...the pointers which were in the ball, that they did work according to the faith and diligence and heed which we did give unto them." I have noticed that the scriptures work the same way that the Liahona worked for the Nephites.  I can read one scripture, one verse, and it would mean something to me.  Then days or even a year later I can read the same verse and it would mean something totally different to me.  My personal Liahona is my scriptures.  By the Lord were they written, through his servents, and the Lord speaks to me through them.   One day it can mean something and the next it can mean something else.  Each time I read the scriptures, they guide me through the wilderness.  Now my wilderness is not the same as the Nephites wilderness that was spoken of in the Book of Mormon.  No MY wilderness is not uninhabited land that I must go throught.  MY wilderness is everyday life, the life we live.  It is the place I work, my friends, my town, my home.  That is MY wilderness, and MY Liahona is the scriptures that guide me through everyday life.  The Bible, The Book of Mormon, the Pearl of Great Price and The Doctrine and Covenants.  They are my Liahona, and as long as I am faithful and I put my trust in the Lord, my Liahona will continue to work, it will continue to lead me through my wilderness, it will lead me down the path of rightousness, it will lead me on that straight and narrow path.  It will lead me to that promise land, which for me is Heaven. Find your personal Liahona, have it guide you, find your messages from the Lord in it.

“If we listen to and follow the promptings of the Spirit, they will serve as a Liahona, guiding us through the unknown, challenging valleys and mountains that are ahead (see 1 Nephi 16).”-

First Presidency Message

General Conference—No Ordinary Blessing

By President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Second Counselor in the First Presidency

Loner

I think I have came to grips with the fact that I am a loner.  I pretty much stay to myself now a days.  Well work has something to do with it because I am at it every day from 730-5 after work I just go home, feed my animals, make dinner and then get ready to go to bed.  I find myself in bed by 8pm but not falling asleep till about 1030-11.  Saturdays, Chango and I have the night off together and on Sundays we have the day together, never fails instead of him wanting to be at home and maybe clean the house or rearrange or even just spend time lounging around he is wanting to do things.  Like this past Sunday it was go, go, go.  I didn't even have time to feed us until after 8pm.  The funniest thing about this weekend, was that we were at someones house and I found myself sitting in my vehicle with the persons dog, the dog didn't even know me before that day, singing and talking to the dog.  I happened to look over at everyone else talking in a circle and I thought to myself, "Wow, I rather be hanging out with animals instead of people." And the weirdest thing is that it didn't even bug me at all.  Maybe the reason why I stay to myself is that growing up I couldn't really go anywhere, I spent most of my time going to school then going home. And the fact that the brother I grew up with is 10 years older than me, so hanging out with him was not really an option. The only friends I hung out with was my neighbors.  My dad was pretty strick after my mom passed away.  I couldn't go to any dances, or school functions besides band, I couldn't go hang out with my friends at a mall or even at Mc Donalds.  I couldn't go to any of their houses and chill.  Running around in the streets forget about it.  So what did I do, I stayed home, mostly in my room.  I listened to music, watched tv, read books, talked on the phone alot to my friends, talked alot to my dog until she passed away.  Looking back my room was awesome to me.  I had all kinds of thing, things that are now in a box locked behind a door in a room that I never go into.  Boy how life has changed just because I am now with someone.  If it were up to me I would have alot of my things out and about around my home.  My home would just be one big bedroom to me.  Even now as I write this and reflect on my feelings about not always hanging out with people, and not really being around people I am not even a bit sad or feel remorse.  I guess it is because I am just at peace with how I am and how I grew up.  I am a Loner.

Gladys Knight

Yesterday, Chango, the missionaries Elder Goodman and Elder Clements and I went to see Gladys Knight and the Saints Unified Voice.  I wanted to go because it was Gladys Knight, a famious singer what I didn't know is that I was going to leave with something more than the bragging rights of saying I saw a famious person.  The presentation, concert, fireside, what ever you want to call it was amazing!!! The voices of the choir talk about angels singing.  The songs were catchy, they sang two songs I knew: I am a child of God and Amazing Grace.  lets just say I never heard those hymns sung like that.  I just couldn't stop from crying throughout the whole thing.  I am so glad and greatful that  I had a chance to be there. 

Empty

Lately I have been feeling empty. Kind of unhappy, but at the same time I am happy.  Things are going well for hubby and I but at the same time I feel like something is missing.  When we went for a drive on Sunday I told Chango that I wanted to start going back to church because I miss going to the temple.  I feel such a love and peace there when I go.  And it seems like answers come to me when I need them to.  My heart keeps going back to the scriptures.  There is a strong pulling towards them.  For me to start reading them again.  I just hate that I will read them every day for a little bit then fall into not doing it every night.  I also want to wake up every day around 5 am to start getting ready then do some scripture study but at the same time it is very hard for me to wake up early. What can I do to get closer go my Heavenly Father?  What can I do to break these chains of bondage that I am in? I don’t want to feel empty anymore!!!!!!!!!! 

Monday morning, UGH

Yesterday was such a horrible monday morning!!! I woke up late for work, actually Chango called me to see if I was up and of coarse the answer was no.  So I hurried up and got ready for work.  By the time I got there my co-worker was already there and instead of calling me to see what was wrong she called the office that is over ours and made them drive all the way out here.  On top of it we were very busy.  Luckly we got through it and the day turned out to be alot better than what it was.  As of right now I am hatin Mondays.

Truman State Park, MO

Oh happy Days!!! Today Chango and I had the day off and so since we have a new vehicle we decided to go to the Lake of the Ozarks.  We chose a part of the lake that isn't too far from us called Harry Truman State Park.  So we loaded up our to Pit Bulls, Bia and Rhyno, and headed out to the lake for the day. It was a great choice. The place we found was so beautiful.  We pulled off by the visitor center and got down our fishing polls and the dogs and headed towards the water.  Since Rhyno is a new comer to the house we had to "baptise" him by water.  Which just means that he get's thrown into any body of water.  (All of our dogs have been thrown into either a lake or river to swim back to shore.  Don't worry it isn't far for them to swim and also we just toss them as far as we can.) At first Rhyno didn't like going into the water, I couldn't understand why, I was in the water standing and I just wanted to sit down in it and enjoy only I didn't have my swimming suit or a change of clothes.  We also went to the damn and Chango fished alittle there.  The rocks were too high for Rhyno to get down so I stayed up top with the dogs while he was down fishing.  I can't wait to go back maybe for a few days and maybe to camp.  Oh how I love to camp!!!!

2001 Ford Excursion

I am so happy!!! Today we got a New-Old vehicle.  Its a 2001 Ford Excursion.  I am just so happy because now we have a vehicle to go somewhere if we want, when we want.  Yes the Excursions are big SUV's but its alright because we need a big vehicle even though it is just Chango and I.  We can easly load it up for a camping trip and not worry about things not fitting.  Put our babies in it and they won't be camped to death or steping all over eachother.  I can even get a car load of church members and head to the Visitor Center, or Liberty Jail, or Far West, MO or to some of the other places here in Missouri that has our church history.  Oh but it is just nice to have a vehicle that is dependable, registered and I can hop in it and go when  ever I want!!!! 

Waverly Post Office

As of Today the Waverly Post Office is MINE. ALL MINE. LOL.  That's right I am incharge of the Waverly Post Office.  No I don't make the big bucks but I do make better money than what I was making at the market.  Hoping all will go well for me!!!

Life has been busy but fun

This week has been so busy!!! But man has it been fun also.  Chango and I went to the MO State fair on Sunday.  We had a blast, Chango got drunk, we watched the tractor pull well what was left of it for the day, spent tones of money, but most of all we bought matching wedding rings.  For months I have been wanting to buy our wedding rings that look alike but for some reason or another I haven't done it.  But at the fair we found some rings that were matching, at first I thought I was going to be disappointed because I couldn't find the same ring in my size till the jeweler said he could stretch one of the rings one full size.  I was so happy. It feels different not wearing my mother's wedding rings since I have worn them since I was in elementary school, but at the same time it is nice looking at my ring knowing that where ever my husband is he too is wearing the same thing, our symbol of love for each other
 Monday and Tuesday I was in Kansas City, MO for training.  I got a job at the local post office.  The best thing about training was afterwards I was able to go and meet with Chango and we were able to go to dinner together.  I loved the time I spent with him after he was done working.  
 Wednesday to Today I was training at my post office. OTJ or on the job training is what they call it.  Its nice, although all this week I have been getting up early and since I am not used to it it has been very difficult, at least now at night I am going to bed at a decent time!!! Tonight I go and work at the market. I wish I didn't have to go in in less than 2 hours, for I want to go and take a little nap, oh well work is work.  I just have to say that so far this month has been full of blessings, and it has really helped Chango and I get closer together.  I love my husband with all my heart and I can not see myself with out him, yes he has faults, but you know what those are my faults, my husband, my love and no one elses. lets see what next week is to bring!

What was Heaven was like before....

At times I find myself wondering what Heaven was like before I came to this earth. At times I find my self wondering what Heaven will be like when it is my time to leave this earth. At times I can't wait to get to this end of life. Don't get me wrong, I love living, love my life even though times are tough. But I just can't help wanting to get to Heaven. To see who I will recognize. To see my mom is the main reason! The love I have for my mom and the yearning to be with her again is overcoming. That doesn't mean I don't want to see my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Mostly when I think of going to Heaven all I think about is being with my family, I believe the family has an important role up there, that's why we are in families right now. Oh to see what Heaven is like!

Power of the Book of Mormon

I just finished reading the Book of Mormon and I must say it has such a great power and spirit to it. I enjoy reading it when I do read, and I don't think that I ever get bored by the stories it has. The Book of Mormon testifies so much of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Everytime on of the prophets of the Book of Mormon speak of their love for our Reedemer you can feel it. I tend to read it for a short time but then I find myself engolfed in it. I feel as if I am their in their shoes writing it. I see in my mind the things they describe. I can't wait to get into the book of Mosiah, the speeches are so powerful. And then there is the book of Alma, he calls all to repentance and it is so strong! The last book, Moroni, wow is all I can say. When I read that book I feel he is speaking directly to me. I wish all who I know would accept the Book of Mormon, it has such love, faith and a spirit that can not be explained. To witness that one must read it!!

The bad and the good

These past few days have been a little rough and so that has kept me from writing. On June 30th Chango's uncle passed away. All day at work it was hard for me because I couldn't be at home to try to comfort him. Then later that night I got a phone call saying that my aunt was in the hospital with organ failure. Just that bad news sent me over the edge, and the jar that I lock my feelings into was running over and everything came out. For the past couple of months I have dealt with bad news of family members passing away both on my side and my husbands. First it was my mother in law, then my cousin's mom, both of whom I didn't know well but my heart ached for the family members. And then my uncle in law and my aunt. It was just so hard on me. Usually I handle death. I've learned to cope with it over the years, after all I believe we will all be together until judgement day. But I know not all believe like that and so my heart aches for them. On a lighter note, I received a call from the post office here in town, I went through my interview and background check, which took almost a month and so I had to go in for a drug test. Good ol' pee in a cup. So now I am waiting for the results to come back, I know it will be clean but the waiting is what is a killer. Our 88 GMCsuburban that we bought should, hopefully, be done this weekend. I can't wait till it is we need a car bad. So it just proves that Heavenly Father blesses us even when it seems like nothing is going right. Just got to keep the faith!

Polygamy

So being born Mormon and being raised in my church we have a heritage with polygamy. It is a revelation that was given and when Utah wanted to become a state the church banned polygamy and also the Prophet at the time had a revalation from God to stop the practice. Some didn't like that and so they broke off and formed the Fundamentalist church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints. I just don't understand why it is illegal. The supreme court ruled it illegal more than 100 years ago. But they couldn't give a great reason why. Yes in our society we tend to think that marriage is only between a man and a woman but that isn't the case for everyone. There are gay couples, who now can marry in California. So why not allow it for religious purposes? People say to separate church and government, we say that this is the land of the free but yet we are not allow to practice our religion. I can see if they are marrying off underage girls, I am not saying this is right arrest the people who are doing that. But for ones who are consenting adults wanting to do this with other consenting adults then let them. I myself could not be in a polygamist relationship but if I did believe that as part of my religion then I would want to practice it.
UPDATE: Since I wrote this, and even before, polygamy has been on my mind.  I still don't think I could ever have a polygamist relationship.  I have even questioned myself to see if I even think I can share my husband with another woman and the answer always comes back to no.  We haven't had any children of our own and I think that if he were to take on another wife and she were to become pregnant right away it would crush me.  I can't imagine him spending his time with someone else either because when he is off of work I want him to spend all of his time with me.  The only thing that sounds appealing is that there would be another woman to help with the home duties, instead of me alway nagging him to help.  Do I think about polygamy? Do I wonder what my life would be like if I were in a relationship like that? Yes to both.  Do I see the struggles in it? Yes I do.  The show Sister Wives is a wonderful show, it shows their struggles but at the sametime their unity in the family.  I think I will always think about polygamy, I just don't think I could ever become one.

Tired tired tired

Lately I have been so tired and lazy. I don't know what is going on. I am wanting to just sleep, lie around the house and just plain not doing anything. I haven't even been able to write on this blog because I don't feel like it. I do go to work because I have to but while I am there I wish not to be. I wonder what is going on. Is it physical, emotional or the heat. It has been really hot here and dry and I know people don't feel like doing things during the heat. But my house has ac and its nice and cool in it and yet I still can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I don't even feel like hanging out with friends. Thursday is my day off and hopefully I can somehow motivate myself!

Wanting to change me

So I am a bit of a tom boy, a bit lazy. I don't care to dress up. I wear jeans and a tee shirt. I only shave my legs when my hubby gets mad or I feel the hair move when I walk. I never wear shorts so I don't have to be afraid of people seeing my legs. I never wear makeup unless I want to or its a special night, plus I cant wear foundation because I sweat easy. But I do want to give myself a make over because if I feel attractive I know my husband will be more attracted to me. I guess I am on my first steps I am shaving my legs and I even painted my nails. I just need to spend the money on new clothes!

A Loving Letter

Dearest Love, Lately it has seemed that you are not the man I married. And although it saddens me, I have made up my mind!! I am going to: hack off your tongue, dig your fingernails off with a rusted knife, clip off your toes with pruning shears, pluck out your eyes with hot nails, and carve out your heart with a spoon. When I am done I am going to make you the most delicious soup you have ever tasted with all my new ingredients. Don't worry my love, I will lie you in bed after you are full. Did I mention the bed is six feet below the ground? I got you some bugs to keep you company while you rest there uncomfortably. But remember while you rest to think of how much I love you and take care of you!! Sincerely, your loving wife for all time and eternity!

My Love One (poem)

My love for you will always run true. It's deeper than the ocean too! The love I feel will never go away. For you are my sun in the morning bay. Waking up in your arms brings me such bliss. Each moment with you I never want to miss. Say you'll stay, say you'll be mine, to love and hold forever and all time.

Tiny blood suckers

Never ever in my life have I seen mosquito as huge as the ones here in Missouri! At home they are tiny little blood suckers that you can hear buzz in you ear but never see. Nope not the ones here, they are so huge that you have to make sure they don't carry you back to their nest and suck on you for days on end. I hate to go out side after the sun sets because they will attack you in no time at all. Oh and if it is super hot and muggy they are all over you like stink on poo! Can't wait till winter comes, no mosquito then!!

Enjoying childhood

Lately I have been going to garage sales and thrift stores and I have found myself buying things that my mom had when I was young. I have been buying her "china" that she had and used only during special occasions. I have bought other things that remind me of my childhood. I hold my childhood dear to me. I may not remember all of it but I know I was happy and loved by my mom and dad and I wish and desire to just turn back time and live in my childhood forever.

Not feeling it =(

Today was my day off and so I wanted to get things done. It started off good, me and my friend went to Amish country and I found some really good deals. Then I came home and decided to put my shot glasses and insulators out to display them. I want to make out house look more like a home and the only way I know how is to decorate it. So after that I spoke to Chango on the phone then my step-mom. Today I didn't really eat and so it caught up to me. I wasn't feeling well so I cooked dinner, hamburger meat with zucchini onion and tomato which were bought from the Amish produce farm and I served it over noodles and added cheese. So now here I sit content off of food but yet not feeling well, I think I am still needing to get my blood sugar up from not eating that well all day. Tomorrow I have to go to work in the morning and then in the afternoon I have to go get the dogs the rabies shots and tagged. Hopefully I will feel better!!

Yes! I successfully set up my blog to where I can text my thoughts instead of going to the website. I love doing that. I have my Facebook set up the same way and it is so easy. I find it a lot easier to text it then to go through my phone to the website then post my status for Facebook. And now I can do it for my blog. I was without my blog for a few weeks and it was annoying, since the website changed it I couldn't access it through my browser. Talk about frustrating. But now it won't be!!!

This is a test....

My jobs

It seems like the life of a wife is to work work and work some more. It's actually pretty hard. Now that I look at it I think I rather have the husbands role instead of he wife's role. I work, granted it is a part time job but I tend to work at least 5 days a week. But my job does not end when I punch out for the night. When I get home I have to cook dinner, even if it is just me eating I still have to cook; feed the cats, dogs, rats, and mice and make sure they have water; and water the garden. On my days off I have to wash clothes, pick up the house, make lunch or dinner, feed and animals, clean what ever else needs cleaning, and run errands. On bill paying days I have to add that part in also. Then if my husband is home that's a totally different story and things get jumbled around or new jobs get added. At times I get over whelmed and all I want to do is just lounge around my home on my days off, but there is always something that I have to do. The jobs of a wife is never done and honestly to me a wife never has a "day off". But I don't think I would trade my life for another...

Finding things to write

I try so hard to write everyday but at times it seems so hard because I don't know what to write about. Sometimes my day is uneventful. The only thing that went on today was that Chango and I spent part of the day together. Then I went to supper out with a friend. (supper out is a thing that the local churches do every other Tuesday. They make dinner for the town and who ever wants to go they can.) During dinner we spoke to the Baptist preacher. The only thing that I can remember is thinking how is it that people can not believe in the Book of Mormon. I have a strong testimony of it. That if you read it and pray about it that it will help you in your personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. I can't believe how some people think it is contradictory to the Bible. If only they will read it they will see that it helps pull you closer to our Heavenly Father. I feel such a strong spirit that comes from it and I truly believe it is another testament of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Ever since I have read it I feel so closer to God and my love for Jesus Christ is so much stronger. I know that God is our loving father in heaven and that Jesus came to the earth and suffered for our sins. Some people think that my church follows Joseph Smith and that through him we maybe saved. But I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, that God is an unchanging God and so therefore he does speak to his children through prophets like in old time. And I know for a fact and believe with all my heart that the only way to be saved and return to our Father in heaven is through Jesus Christ!

Keeping my fingers crossed.

So today I received a phone call from the post master here in town. Last Tuesday I had an interview, and honestly I thought it went well and I had a feeling that I was going to get hired. Today she called me and had to explain a couple of more things that she just found out. She just said that if hired I would have to work full time until the post office headquarter bumped it down to part time. Then I would have those hours until they found a postmaster for this branch. So I would probably have to quit Tyler's. That part sucked because I dont want to quit I wanted to keep it as maybe apart time, on the weekend job. But at the same time could I really work two jobs? The po job works 8 hours a day and on Saturdays I believe they close at noon, which if I am off by 1 or even 3 I can work Tylers till close. (the post master here just drove by my work). Decisions, I guess I just have to talk with Paula and Cody and wait to see what kc says...

Emotions (poem)

RAGE: Can't anyone hear me screaming? PAIN: Locked deep inside my brain. HURT: I cry but no one seems to hear me. WOUNDED: How can I make this go away? BROKEN: The love you give just isn't enough. DARK: To make this cloud disappear. DEPRESSED: I can not stay like this anymore. DEFEATED: I will gladly welcome the kiss of Death!

About time!!!

So I guess this site is making changes or have made them already. Just like Facebook, they can never leave a good thing alone. I had so much to blog about but I couldn't because the site was telling my phone that blogger no longer supported my browser. Ugh! What a nightmare. I was getting frustrated and wanting to close my account and open up a new one that allowed my phone to access it. And so today while at work I was looking up blogs for mobile and lo and behold it was blogger mobile. And so I sent a text to the site to register thinking somehow I can add my existing blog or link them and what joy what blitz I was able to link my phone to my blog!!! So now just like Facebook, I can text my thoughts when ever I want!! And then of coarse when I go to the library to get on the internet I can edit it to how I like. I am just so happy right now that I can blog from my phone again!!! OH how the Lord helps out when you truely need. Something, even if it is small like being able to blog again!

How to get past the past?

Trust is always given but once it is broken how do you get past the hurt. That's the hard part for me. I was hurt and the trust I had is honestly not there. It sucks, majorly. The bed part is I wanna trust again, I am told to put the past in the past. But honestly I feel like I am going to be hurt again. Even though I was told I can trust it still feels like I am going to get hurt. How do I get past this? Once hurt, twice hurt, I don't know if I can handle being hurt for a third time. How do I get past this so that wa it isnt eating me up inside? If only I knew!

The U in Jesus

Before U were tought of or time had begun,
God stuck U in the name of His Son.
And each time U pray, you'll see it's true,
You can't spell out JesUs and not include U.
You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name,
For U, He was born; that's why He came.
And His great love for U is the reason He died.
It even takes U to spell crUcified.
Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand
He rose from the dead, with U in His plan?
The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew,
And this word resUrrection is spelled with a U.
When Jesus left earth at His Upward ascension, 
He felt there was one thing He just had to mention.
"Go into the world and tell them it's true
That I love them all- Just like I love U."
So many great people are spelled with a U,
Don't they have a right to know Jesus too?
It all depends now on what U will do, 
He'd like them to know
But it all starts with U.

I can handle more....

April 2nd was suppose to be a Joyous occasion.  It was our first year anniversary of being husband and wife, although we have been together since 2001.  But be as it may we received a phone call that my MIL was in the hospital.  After that phone call we just wasn't in the mood to celebrate for we were more into knowing how his mother was doing, lucky now she is doing better than what she was. Then a few days ago I called down to my parents house and come to find out my step mom was in the hospital also.  And so my stress level went through the roof.  Me wanting to go to the east and the west coast at the same time but yet not being able to, for some reason I feel that I have to be everywhere to try to help where I can.  The stress was so much that I began to wonder what more can go on, could I handle anything else?  Of coarse I had to snap my self back into reality and realize that I am not alone in this time, my Heavenly Father is here besides me.  So with that in mind, I can handle more.  Bring it on, cause no matter what with Heavenly Father giving me strength I can over come it and I know it will all be okay!  

Needing to count my blessings.

Ok so lately I have been feeling some what overwhelmed, tired, and not wanting to do anything. At times I feel like the move to Missouri was a wrong choice. But I think I better look back and count my blessings. Yeah, sure when we first moved here things didn't go as planned. But, we were able to get into the house we are in without having to send animals to the pound or bury them cause they didn't survive. Yes it was hard finding a job, but after 4 months living here I was able to snag one. Yes it was very hard with Chango leaving to go on the road to be a truck driver and worrying about bills and how he was going to eat. But we got married and he has an awesome job that pays more, he works less hours and is home everyday! We also got married after being together 10 years! Yes even though I have fallen back into my former state, I was able to let go of it, get back into church and even went to the temple, I gained a stronger testimony and my patriarchal blessing. Being Mormon is where I should be. Yes I have down in the dumps and missing California and thinking my move to Missouri was wrong. But I need to step back and thank my Heavenly Father and I need too count my blessings, for many great things have happened to our family since moving to Missouri!

Why do I feel this way?

At times the way I feel drives me insane! For the last 9 months I have been living alone while Chango is on the road driving. I have never liked being alone in the house and yet here I am sitting on the couch alone, well except for the dogs. I am also waiting for Chango to call, I guess the truck stop he is at is showing movies and so he is watching one or two. It drives me insane, not to be able to talk to him when I want. But I have to be more understanding; he is on the road, he needs to relax sometimes instead of being cooped up in that truck. I just can't wait till he is on a local route where he is home again. This is no life, living apart from my husband. Thats all I want is him home, by my side, making our home a home. Is that too much to ask? Am I being selfish? Why do I feel this way and not happy that he is providing for us?

Ment for eachother

I love Chango with all my heart!! I truly believe he and I were meant for each other, that we were together in the pre-mortal life, and some how we found each other in this life. You probably wonder how I can think that, and at times I wonder how I can think it also. He and I are opposites! We don't like the same type of music, our taste in movies are different, even our taste in foods are different. But even though we are different in many things, we compromise to make it work. After 10 years we have learned if we come to a middle both of us walk away happy. But we aren't always different, when we talk about our future, the type of house we want, how we want to raise our kids once we have them we tend to be on the same track. That is when we come together as one. I am so grateful to have him as a husband even though he is not perfect, but heck there was only one perfect man on this earth and he is Jesus. Heavenly Father has blessed us in our marriage and our years together and I continue to believe He will bless us in the years to come!

First post of the new year

2012, a new year. People try to make resolution lists only to throw them out the window. I was going to try to make one, but knowing me I will not stick to it, so instead I am just going to try to change a couple o things in my life. Its not that I am making a resolution list its just things that I have wanted to start changing, one is I want to be able to clean more that what I do. Usually, since I work, my house stays messy until I have company from my church coming over or Chango is coming home for the weekend. So in return I usually wait till the last minute, or day to do a fly through the house, shove things where they can't be seen and voila my house is clean. So I want to try to clean at least one room of the house a day. My other thing, which I have been working on this year, is to read my scriptures every day. I do good for a few weeks, then go without reading. I notice when I read I feel better about life cause I have the Lord's words with me. since last night was new years and the start of a new year I was hoping the year would start off right, but instead my year started a bit crappy. For hours I couldn't get a hold of Chango and I was starting to worry bad. But finally he called, he was stuck at the shipper and his phone died. I was just grateful Heavenly Father kept him safe last night, maybe hi being stuck there instead of on the road saved his life. That is a big possibility that Heavenly Father kept him off of the road and out of harms way, maybe something could have happened if he was driving with the drunks. Either reason, I am very grateful he was kept safe and I know Heavenly Father played apart of it. After all doesn't he play a part of our lives? I think certain things happen or don't happen because of him. If we just put our trust in him he will lead us and guide us through this life and this new year. Welcome 20 12, may Heavenly Father guide me through this year and bless my family!