Loner

I think I have came to grips with the fact that I am a loner.  I pretty much stay to myself now a days.  Well work has something to do with it because I am at it every day from 730-5 after work I just go home, feed my animals, make dinner and then get ready to go to bed.  I find myself in bed by 8pm but not falling asleep till about 1030-11.  Saturdays, Chango and I have the night off together and on Sundays we have the day together, never fails instead of him wanting to be at home and maybe clean the house or rearrange or even just spend time lounging around he is wanting to do things.  Like this past Sunday it was go, go, go.  I didn't even have time to feed us until after 8pm.  The funniest thing about this weekend, was that we were at someones house and I found myself sitting in my vehicle with the persons dog, the dog didn't even know me before that day, singing and talking to the dog.  I happened to look over at everyone else talking in a circle and I thought to myself, "Wow, I rather be hanging out with animals instead of people." And the weirdest thing is that it didn't even bug me at all.  Maybe the reason why I stay to myself is that growing up I couldn't really go anywhere, I spent most of my time going to school then going home. And the fact that the brother I grew up with is 10 years older than me, so hanging out with him was not really an option. The only friends I hung out with was my neighbors.  My dad was pretty strick after my mom passed away.  I couldn't go to any dances, or school functions besides band, I couldn't go hang out with my friends at a mall or even at Mc Donalds.  I couldn't go to any of their houses and chill.  Running around in the streets forget about it.  So what did I do, I stayed home, mostly in my room.  I listened to music, watched tv, read books, talked on the phone alot to my friends, talked alot to my dog until she passed away.  Looking back my room was awesome to me.  I had all kinds of thing, things that are now in a box locked behind a door in a room that I never go into.  Boy how life has changed just because I am now with someone.  If it were up to me I would have alot of my things out and about around my home.  My home would just be one big bedroom to me.  Even now as I write this and reflect on my feelings about not always hanging out with people, and not really being around people I am not even a bit sad or feel remorse.  I guess it is because I am just at peace with how I am and how I grew up.  I am a Loner.