Looking back: Empty Bed

I was looking back on some of the earlier, and when I mean earlier mostly the first few, entries I made. One of them caught my eye, Empty Bed. I didn't know what, OK I mean I couldn't remember what I wrote in that entry and I think I was wondering to myself why I was calling it Empty Bed. So I opened it up and read it. At first it made me cry, because it took me back to those feelings I had back then when Chango had first left to go train to be a truck driver. I had forgotten how bad I felt, how alone. I remember crying myself to sleep almost every night for a month because the one I was used to sleeping next to for the 10 years we were together was no longer going to be there. I don't even think I felt like that when he used to work from 11pm to 7am, but of coarse when I was feeling alone I would just go visit him at work. The more I think about it the more I realized how hard it was for me.  Of coarse Chango had come home for a local job, but then he had to go back over the road driving again.  To my surprise I wasn't like I was back when he first left.  I think I was just scared, I didn't know what was going to happen, how I was going to live on my own, or when I would see him again.  I adjusted, got on a routine, and I started filling the bed with all the dogs.  

NOW:  Chango has been back home for about 13 days, does my bed feel empty...NO!!  At times I wish he would go sleep on the couch.  HAHAHAHA, when he is taking up half of the bed, then my dogs try to come and pile on the bed (because mama got them used to sleeping on the bed with her)  I wind up with about 1/32 piece of bed.  Yup those are the nights that I wish I had an Empty Bed again.  But either way, looking back (and I guess forward)  I am grateful that I was able to go through those early days, I'm glad I know how to cope with an Empty Bed. 

What does my name mean?

I was just sitting here, thinking to myself what does my name mean? So I decided to look it up on the internet, first I looked up my last name, then my mom's maiden name, then her grandparents surname and finally I decided to look up the meaning of my first name. Most of the websites I looked at had the same thing, male counter part Adrian, Italian origin meaning from the area of Hadria or the Adriatic Sea. Can mean dark. blah blah blah, that was not what I was looking for. So after about maybe 10 pages (seemed more like a hundred pages) I found a site called first-name-meanings. and here is what it said:

Adrianna
Who is she?

Adrianna is a woman with character! A very powerful personality, who has little reason to envy the opposite sex. Like them, she is ambitious, courageous, impatient (yup that's me)and even a little domineering. She enjoys a good fight and needs regular exercise to work off her excess energy. (That last sentance is not me at all!!!) Endowed with qualities more often employed to describe a man than a woman, (at one point my dad said I should have been born a boy, I think cause I'm not all girly girl and I love a good tee shirt and jeans look) she is forthright and doesn´t mince her words, which can be very blunt, at times. She is proud, stubborn (oh my goodness, stubborn needs a stronger word to describe my stubborness)and very loyal. She knows how to grab hold of opportunities when they appear. Tact, tolerance, passivity, gentleness and weakness are not included in her vocabulary. Nevertheless, this is to hide her emotional and quite sensitive soul, and in the face of adversity, especially during times of emotional upheaval, she is inclined to panic and become withdrawn. Although she is somewhat materialist and appreciates wealth, she is a generous spirit who is capable of sacrifice for the ones she loves ones, or indeed any good cause that happens to touch her. Parents, don´t be fooled by her tom-boy attitude, neither should you be too impressed by her apparent determination because deep down, she´s really a big softie, is more of a worrier than a warrior, and seeks security above all... However, this doesn´t change the fact that she is brimming over with energy most of the time. It´s true that she can be controlling, jealous, and possessive, but one thing is certain, she never pretends to be anybody else. Every once in a while she may display violent anger, but remember, this is simply to remind you that she exists! Equally genuine and honest as a child, she will love you intensely. Let her find her equilibrium and appease her competitive spirit by encouraging her to take part in a sport... Similarly, creative activities such as music, painting or sculpture could provide the stimulation and the thrills that she seeks...

What does she like?
A woman of great passion, Adrianna needs to find meaning in her life, and is therefore attracted to achievements that are concrete, solid and tangible. It is important for her to succeed, by herself if possible, but otherwise, her partner´s success will do, and he´d better be up to the job! Her �now you see it, now you don´t´, personality calls for escape from time to time. Her travels could just as easily take her to the other side of this world as the one in her extremely active imagination. Fascinated by all that is weird and wonderful, magical and unexplained, she may even have some talent as a medium... Her emotional life is no less divided: she knows what she wants and needs a partner who she can admire and the security of home roots, any woman that gets too close to her man would be wise to start running now! Possessive, jealous and demanding, imagine the shape of a mushroom cloud and you´ll get the general idea of what could happen, that is, unless she realizes that she might have gone too far... Far from being the model housewife, she sometimes recklessly spends large amounts of money on herself, however when it comes to others she is quite capable of tightening the purse strings...

What does she do?
Not really qualified for the role of a housewife, Adrianna could be tempted by the following career paths: business or money related occupations (banking, accounting, management...), power related occupations (military, law enforcement, sport...), travel related occupations, as well as occupations in connection with broadcasting and journalism, preferably involving contact with the public, in the social (justice) and medical fields, or an occupation that enables her to make the most of her intuitive abilities or live her "inspiration" (artistic occupations, parapsychology...)

When I read this I had to look around to see if I could find any spyware looking at me. I mean, and those of you who know me, this has me written between those lines. Not everything applied to me and my life, BUT most of it described ME!!! Now this is what I was looking for when I wonder what my name means, what are my personalities supposed to be. I think now I am going to look at my zodiac sign, Aries.....

So Tired

          Wow, I can't believe how long it has been since I have posting something on my Blog.  I don't even know where to begin to try and catch up on what is going on in my life. Let's see it is August already, the year is going by fast, maybe even a little too fast!  My last post was on July 11th, and here is is August 8th, almost a month has passed. 
          Chango was on a FEMA account, where he ran loads for fema in Oklahoma City.  It was pretty awesome because he got paid no matter if he pulled a load or not.  He had came home in June for a few days and left out and was on the account for about a month and a half.  Yup I went a month and a half without seeing my hunny bear, but finally the account was up and he was headed home.  So he finally came home 'round the 26th of July.  It was so nice to see him!! But talk about busy, we went fishing at night, target practice at the gun range and then we rested and cleaned guns on his last day home.  He has been gone for about a little over two weeks, earlier this week he was able to stop by the house for his 10 hour break.  Good thing is that he is going to be home in about a week. 
          What have I been up to?? WELL, all I can say is that I have been up to loosing sleep. LOL  I have been helping out our friend, I'll call him Flan Cupcake since I don't like to use real names, with his paper route.  His parents went on vacation so for about a week this has been my scheduled.  
                                        9:30a- go to regular job
                                        4:15p- end of work, go home, eat dinner.
                                         6p:ish-be in bed
                                         Midnight: get up, need to leave the house by midnight-thirty
                                         5:00a-6:00a-finish route, head home.
                                         6:00a-845a-get up, start schedule all over again.
So now that you look at my schedule, where does it have time to sleep.  If I add up my hours of sleep I am getting maybe about 6-8 hours of sleep.  I don't always come home from work or the route and go to sleep right away, like today.  (it's even harder when you are trying not to fall asleep at work or while driving home) You're probably wondering why I am allowing this to happen, or why I am choosing to help with the route, well it's because 1. he is a friend.  2. his parents (mamma m and daddy m) are out of town on a vacation so I am covering Flan Cupcake's route while he is covering his dad's route.  and 3.  I added up the wages from work and what I am getting paid and I am making over $200 a day for working both jobs.  It helps out in the long run, especially since I have 3 guns in lay-a-way that I am making payments on.  
I have also aquired another Bearded Dragon. Chango and I thought Drako needed a tank mate, and so I went on Craigslist and found her.  Her name is Flash (that is what they named her and I was wanting to change it to a Constellation name like Drako's name BUT Change said that since she is quick and runs around Flash fits her.  I still want to change it) She is so quick, and boy does she have an attitude on her, I was telling Chango that I have to sit there and work with her to be allowed to be held but with me working so much I don't have the time to do it.  The other day I decided to see how she would react to me putting my hand by her and what did she do, puff out her beard and opened her mouth.  I pulled my hand away, and told her okay you win this round.  But I am not going to give up on her, I am actually going to get ahold of this person who makes custom harnesses for Dragons and see about getting a leash for her so that way after I do pick her up I can put her in the harness and if she escapes my hands I won't loose her.  Plus Drako likes to go outside in the grass and I can use the lease for her also.  Eventually I will pick up another leash so I can take both of them outside at the same time. 
        Oh man, time is going by so slow when you are so sleepy!!! I better get up and move around before I fall asleep at work.