Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Looking back: Empty Bed

I was looking back on some of the earlier, and when I mean earlier mostly the first few, entries I made. One of them caught my eye, Empty Bed. I didn't know what, OK I mean I couldn't remember what I wrote in that entry and I think I was wondering to myself why I was calling it Empty Bed. So I opened it up and read it. At first it made me cry, because it took me back to those feelings I had back then when Chango had first left to go train to be a truck driver. I had forgotten how bad I felt, how alone. I remember crying myself to sleep almost every night for a month because the one I was used to sleeping next to for the 10 years we were together was no longer going to be there. I don't even think I felt like that when he used to work from 11pm to 7am, but of coarse when I was feeling alone I would just go visit him at work. The more I think about it the more I realized how hard it was for me.  Of coarse Chango had come home for a local job, but then he had to go back over the road driving again.  To my surprise I wasn't like I was back when he first left.  I think I was just scared, I didn't know what was going to happen, how I was going to live on my own, or when I would see him again.  I adjusted, got on a routine, and I started filling the bed with all the dogs.  

NOW:  Chango has been back home for about 13 days, does my bed feel empty...NO!!  At times I wish he would go sleep on the couch.  HAHAHAHA, when he is taking up half of the bed, then my dogs try to come and pile on the bed (because mama got them used to sleeping on the bed with her)  I wind up with about 1/32 piece of bed.  Yup those are the nights that I wish I had an Empty Bed again.  But either way, looking back (and I guess forward)  I am grateful that I was able to go through those early days, I'm glad I know how to cope with an Empty Bed. 

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