Dearest Love, Lately it has seemed that you are not the man I married. And although it saddens me, I have made up my mind!! I am going to: hack off your tongue, dig your fingernails off with a rusted knife, clip off your toes with pruning shears, pluck out your eyes with hot nails, and carve out your heart with a spoon. When I am done I am going to make you the most delicious soup you have ever tasted with all my new ingredients. Don't worry my love, I will lie you in bed after you are full. Did I mention the bed is six feet below the ground? I got you some bugs to keep you company while you rest there uncomfortably. But remember while you rest to think of how much I love you and take care of you!! Sincerely, your loving wife for all time and eternity!
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