lds.net blog II

 I never understood the importance of the Sacrament until now...   3/12/11


Tomorrow is Fast and Testimony meeting at our local branch and I am anticipating attending church.  I have not attended church for about 3 weeks, it may seem easy to go to church but when you live about 15 miles away from the clostest meeting house it is a little difficult.  One reason is that my car is not registered here, another is that sometimes I can't get ahold of anyone that can come an pick me up.  We are a small branch that covers at least 6 other towns.  Rural Missouri is very different than California, I was raised in California where the meeting houses where right there in the town.  But I am very greatful when a member from the church comes out of their way to pick me up to attend. Since I have not attended church, I have been going to a local church, which is alright, but they are missing something.  Aside from the drums and guitars and the hour long singing, which all of that I can get past, SOMETHING was missing.  And I didn't notice that until 2 weeks ago.  At first I thought it was going to be because they had a preacher, who by the way brings up some interesting points from the Bible, as well as talking about what spiritual gifts we were given, but it wasn't that either.  Finally it dawned on me....this church is missing the sacrament, as well as classes: but that wasn't important. Growing up I always thought Sacrament meeting was boring.  I would fall asleep, draw, color, want to take more bread than one piece, play with my bread instead of eat it right away, normal kid stuff.  When I grew older, I still kind of thought it was boring, not really paying attention to the talks, and still drawing or passing notes to who ever I went with.  Since 2009, when I started attending church more regulary, I started to notice that I was paying attention to the talks, I was reading the blessing prayer of the sacrament, I was reading my scriptures during the passing of the sacrament.  I was doing what I should have been doing since I was young....being reverent. But it still didn't dawn on me what the true meaning about sacrament was, or for that matter how sacred it is.Even though I am not able to partake of the sacrament, due to my unworthiness, I still enjoy being in the building while it is being passed.  Each week that I attend church, I find that Sacrament Meeting is sacred. I noticed that each week I am wanting to take the necessary steps so that way I may partake of it and renew my baptismal covenants that I made.  Sacrament Meeting holds a new place in my heart.  My mom always said that if we were running late to church we had to make it before sacrament was passed, now I understand why.I do not want to be an unworthy partaker.  3 Nephi 28-30 struck me hard when I read it: And now behold, this is the commandment which I give unto you, that ye shall not suffer any one knowingly to  eateth and drinketh damnation to his soul; therefore if ye know that a man is unworthy to eat and drink of my flesh and blood ye shall forbid him. unto him and shall pray for him unto the Father, in my name; and if it so be that he repenteth and is baptized in my name, then shall ye receive him, and shall minister unto him of my flesh and blood. I know now that I will strive to get my self worthy to partake of it again, I now know the importance of the sacrament and I hope each and every one of you, my brothers and sisters, remember the importance of it and not look at the Sacrament Meeting as just another day in church, but look at it for what it really is....A BLESSING!!!!!

lds.net blog

 Your Happily Ever After  3/11/11 


Today I had a visit from the sister missionaries in our area. It was a nice visit.  They shared with me a message from the Ensign May 2010 magazine. The article that they read from was entitled Your Happily Ever After by President <SPAN>Dieter F. Uchtdorf.  As we go through out life we kind of loose sight of our happily ever after.  I know I tend to do that when things are tough, when there are trials ahead that I feel I can not over come.  But like President Uchtdorf said, Heavenly Father has given us a map to our happily ever after.  I think I have to find my map again, take it out, dust it off and try to find my way back on the right path to that great big castle upon the hill.  I know if I read and study my scriptures that they have clues on how to get on that path and continue the journy. At times it feels hard, some times it feels like I am never going to get there.  But I am going to keep on striving, I am going to cut down my obstacles and hope that I make my happily ever after.  I leave the ending quote from President Ucht/dorf:  As an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, I leave you my blessing and give you a promise that as you accept and live the values and principles of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, “[you] will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.”And the day will come when you turn the final pages of your own glorious story; there you will read and experience the fulfillment of those blessed and wonderful words: “And they lived happily ever after.” Of this I testify in the holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Music

I love music!! I loved to play it, my clarinet is busted right now. I love to sing, even if I don't always sound pretty. I love to listen to it. But it cant be any type of music, the music has to speak to me. It has to make my spirit become aroused.
Why is it that certain songs bring up certain memories?
I can play different songs or artist and depending on what I play certain memories or feelings pop up. Like right now I am listening to korn's did my time and I am remembering when I would play tetris on xbox. This song just played over and over it seemed. Or the next song it makes me remember when chango and I would fight a lot and I would play this song over and over singing and crying.
But no matter what I love to listen to my music, and sing, and dance, maybe even sometimes cry.  The songs I like are the ones that remind me of my mom. I just sit there and remember the things we did together.  I guess with out memories what would we be.  

What is wrong with me?

Lately, for the past week and a half I have been very tired. I have been sleeping a lot. Sometimes I can not even get up until 1 p.m. I wish I knew what was wrong. Is some unforeseen force taking my energy, or like some of my friends have stated am I pregnant? Yeah highly unlikely!! Especially the last one, I don't want to get my hopes up just to be disappointed when I'm not. I know that in time heavenly father will bless us with a baby, whither we have one or we adopt. Well tomorrow is my day off, so after my company leaves I think I a just going to relax and try to recharge my batteries. Hopefully that will help in my tiredness.

Liberty Jail and Independence Visitor Center

Sunday the CTS Family took me to Liberty Jail and the Independence Visitor Center.  It was such a nice experience.  To be there at Liberty Jail where our Prophet, Joseph Smith, was held captive was so spiritual and sad at the same time.  I guess since I know the truth and I truly believe in my heart that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God, it saddens my soul that they did not believe him and that they persecuted him.  In the Doctrine and Covenants it says that the spillage of his innocent blood seals the testimony, I am hoping I can find it and put the actual quote in here. 
I want to share Joseph Smith's First Vision as put on lds.org:
Joseph Smith's First Vision In accordance with this, my determination to ask of God, I retired to the woods to make the attempt. It was on the morning of a beautiful, clear day, early in the spring of eighteen hundred and twenty. It was the first time in my life that I had made such an attempt, for amidst all my anxieties I had never as yet made the attempt to pray vocally.
After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized upon by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.
But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction--not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being--just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.

	One of them . . . said, pointing to the other--"This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!"

It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other--"This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!"
My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)--and which I should join.
I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: "they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof."
He again forbade me to join with any of them; and many other things did he say unto me, which I cannot write at this time. When I came to myself again, I found myself lying on my back, looking up into heaven. When the light had departed, I had no strength; but soon recovering in some degree, I went home.

Wedding

Tonight I went to my first pagen wedding, or sould I say hand fasting (i think thats how it is spelled). It was very lovely, you culd feel the love between the two as you watched them go through the cerimony. He cerimony its self was very nice. It made me wonder if this was the type of weddings that we performed back in the day, im talking way back. It was held under the night sky with a full moon looking down and candles and lanterns to give light. Its very different from modern weddings but you know what, as long as the two people are commiting them self to eachother it doesnt matter how the cerimony is done. Its funny now a days you get married you have to get a marage license, which cost money then if you want a divorce, you pay hundreds of dollars just to "legally" say you are no longer with this person. The simplicity of the weddings back in the day. I am glad I was able to witness the joining of my two friends. I am also so greatful to have had my wedding to my husband. Mine wasnt an all out expensive wedding. We bought the license and my church performed the cerimony, some of the women of my church decorated and made my cake and refreshments. The women did such a wonderful job at putting my wedding together at the last minute. And what a relief it was not to go crazy over the planning. But to me no matter how big or small, how expensive or non expensive it is, the part that matters is that you are giving yourself to your partner and they are doing the same. I love my husband with all my heart and soul!!

Slavery is still alive today.

In this day and age we think that slavery. Was abolished. But honestly was it really? Yes the African-Americans and other races were no longer servants without pay but was slavery really taken away? I say no. Today there is still slavery. But see not everyone calls it that, they call it life. I say we are slaves today. One way we are slaves is to money, without money we could not exist. Think about it, we need money to eat, to live, to buy things. And what do we do we work our butts off to gain just a little piece of paper and tin. Tell me when is the last time you got free food, without going to a food pantry or home grown. Even home grown food isn't free, you have to pay for the live stock and seeds, you have to pay for the water and food. Then depending on how much you own you have to pay for labor. Oh I forgot that pretty little mortgage on the house and land. Everything revolves around money. We are slaves to the American dollar. Without that we would be homeless and starving. And how do we get money, by slaving away at work. Tell me what is free in this world. I think the only thing that is free is my farts. Sorry but its the facts. I would love to be marooned on a unknown, deserted island. Where I would have to make my own house, grow my own food and not pay a dime to do it. Oh yes that would be paradise. I think I was born in the wrong time and wrong place. I dream of a life where I am not a slave to money or my job. Where I don't have to pay outrageous prices to eat. I dream of my own island called Alora island.

My past makes me, me!

I have noticed recently that when I watch, listen to or look at something from my childhood it takes me back and makes me feel so safe and secure. Why is that? Its just memories, its not like I am living in that time again. Granted during some of my teenage years I made a lot of mistakes, there are somethings that I loved. Me living alone in my house kind of takes me back to when I was in high school. I practically lived in my room. I had my TV, a recliner, my stereo, everything that is in a front room I had in my room, well almost everything I didn't have a couch. I used to watch TV or sometime I would play music and sing, read...the only thing different now is that I don't have my dad in the same house. But yet I noticed I don't feel as secure as I did back then. I honestly wish I could go back and live my childhood/teen years. But of coarse I would love to change some things, mostly I would have my mom alive. No matter hard my childhood was growing up without here, it was my childhood and I love it, because it is what makes me me. I have learned from mistakes, heart break, triumph and misses. And I am happy with myself no matter what my past was.

Empty Bed

Chango and I have been together for 10 years. Out of those 10 years we have been living together for 9.5 years. Every night when I laid my self down to bed he was right there by my side. Even during the 2 years that he worked grave yard he would come home and lay in bed right next to me. So when he decided this year to become a truck driver and be 48 states otr (over the road) I started to panic. At first I felt like I could do it, then I was like no I can't, I went back and forth about it. The day he left, I was at work. He came to tell me bye, spent some time with me then left to go catch his bus. That night I thought was the hardest night of my life, I went home and cried. But I didn't fully let myself cry, I told my self to suck it up, that we would have to live alone for a little while. Then he came home for a brief time and left and once again I cried. He came home again and left again and I cried, again. But the one thing that I can not get used to is my empty bed. This last time that he came and left that night I crawled into bed with my back facing his side of the bed. And what did I do, the little backwards shuffle to feel his body next to mine. But no matter how much I shuffled I didn't feel it, his side was empty, and so I cried. I cried and hoped that if I put my hand behind me I would feel him, and of coarse no one was there. An so I cried some more. It wasn't until I called his dog onto the bed, shes a pit bull, that I was able to go to sleep. Her big body laying against my back gave me enough comfort to get to sleep. I can handle coming home to an empty house, cooking for one, going to the store by myself, throwing the trash. But the one thing I can not handle and I don't think I will every get used to, is that empty bed...well at least it will be empty till the next time he comes home!

Good help is hard to find

While I was cleaning my house to welcome the missionaries into my home, I realized something....I need a maid!!! I hate to clean, and everyone who knows me will know if I don't like it I won't do it. I need someone who will be kind enough to my animals. Pick up after them, at times they are worse than kids. Wash my dishes, pick up my house, vacuum, and most of all do my laundry. Everything that I am suppose to be doing but I don't always do. She could come once a day, while I am away at work so I wouldn't get in her way. (i am being so sexist, I mean her/his way, after all it can be a male.) and leave before I get home, with all the animals fed so all I would have to do is feed myself. But where would I find the right type of person? If I had a magic wand I could wave it in the air and the house would clean its self. The dogs would be magically fed. I could even get dinner cooked without lifting a finger. Oh what a wonderful magic filled life harry potter made it seem like. The swish of your wand and dishes are washing themselves. It's nice to dream, to imagine. But reality sits in, I do not have a maid r a magic wand, so I must go and finish those dishes in the sink....

Lessons from family home evening

Today I went to home of the CTS family for family home evening (fme). FME is something us Mormons do on Monday evenings, we devote the evening to activities as a family, scripture study, just creating the bond of families that much stronger. So tonight I was invited to attend. It started with a wonderful family dinner and then us gathering in the living room to discuss up coming apt and activities. We had a lesson giving by grandma CTS, the kids did short skits and talents, and. Papa CTS left us with a wonderful scripture to help change or life. It is doctrine and covenants 88: 119 "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.". Boy did that hit home, my house is not organized. It is cluttered and untidy. And the Lord does not dwell in untidy homes. Like papa CTS said, "we keep our churches and temples clean so that the spirit of the Lord may be there." I need to start thinking of my home as my own personal church or temple. I do not want to dirty my church and definitaly do not want to dirty my temple, so why am I dirtying my home? So how and what can I do to change my ways? Its just me at home and there is no reason why my home should get untidy. I know I am not going to change over night. It would be nice to become ocd over night, then it would be clean and stay clean. But like anything else it needs steps taken. Tonight after I conclude this, I will be picking up I have the missionaries coming over. After that I will have to. Put it in Heavenly Fathers hands to give me strength to change and organize my home so that way his spirit may be felt in it. My example of the type of home is the CTS Families home. They are my example of how I want my family to be like when we start our own. I look up to them because they are truly living the gospel.

Rich or Poor

I always ask myself, do I want to be rich or do I want to be poor?  Most people will say well I want to be rich. But is that me? Yes being rich means having a lot of money, and with this economy who wouldn't want all that money?  But having too much money and being material about it isn't good either.  I see rich people and I see how sad they can be.  Yes they have money and they do not have to worry about how they are going to pay this bill and that bill, yes they can afford to go on vacations every month if not every day.  But is there truly love in their home? Money does not buy love.

I get tired of worrying about how this bill is going to get paid or if we are going to have enough money to pay that bill.  But when I really think about it I think I do not want to be rich.   Yes I would love for my husband not to be away over the road working his butt off, barely eating and sleeping.  For him to be home every night by my side.  It would be nice when the bills and the paychecks come in to be able to pay them, instead of figuring out what bill could hold off till the next pay day.  Yes it would be nice to be able not to live from payday to payday and not stress over finances.  I think that is all I ask, is to not stress over bills, to have enough money coming in that we are not working ourselves to death and yet we are able to spend more time with each other.  No I don't want to be rich.  I think being rich could hurt relationships.  

To me I am not poor, I am rich. Richer that what money can bring me.  I have a husband, whom I love and loves me, we may not have a perfect relationship but tell me who does (if you say you do then something is wrong somewhere in your relationship, we are all different people and conflicts arise, how we deal with them is what keeps our relationship working), I have the love of the gospel in my life, my church, the love from my Heavenly Father, The CTS family that has adopted me as one of their own, family members that worry about me and call me just to make sure I am alright.  I maybe home alone, but I am love.  And having Love makes you richer than all the money in the world.  

I may worry and stress over how to pay the bills and feed my husband that is driving over the country but that is small compared to the love I have in my life. The gospel has helped me out a lot and putting my faith in my Heavenly Father to know that he will provides a way makes every day "poorness" (according to the world because we do not make more than their standard) not there.  I am rich, Richer that any worldly rich person out there.

What's in a picture??

About everyone has them on their walls. Some are of friends, family; others are of animals, plants or paintings. But mostly everyone has pictures on their walls. Some are in frames, some are just taped on, and then there is my favorite, a page out of a magazine. What ever they are of they serve a purpose, to decorate, to remind, to show your taste in things, to make your home homey. And then there are pictures that represent your religion, and those are the ones I want to look into closer. Since I was small I have always had three pictures in my house, one was of the last supper, one that looks like a little kid kneeling and praying and one of the Savior, Jesus Christ. Now as I make my own home, I have incorporated some of those familiar pictures and I have added some of my own also. I have the picture of Jesus that my mom put up on the wall, and my dad gave me the picture of the child praying. But I have added a picture of the LDS prophets, from Joseph Smith to Gordon B. Hinckley. When I went to St. Louis on Friday, on the temple grounds was a church distribution store and so I popped my head in and bought a picture of our current prophet, Thomas Monson and his councilors as well as the Nauvoo and St. Louis Temples. Later that night I was able to find some very inexpensive frames. Now my current pictures are hanging in the dinning room, but since I have bought the new ones I have this urge to rehang them in the living room, even though I can see them from the where I sit on the couch I till have the urge to move them. Why is that? What is the symbolism behind the pictures. Well the one of Christ should be obvious. Having a picture of him is comforting, it helps in time of need to be able to gaze upon his face as I pray. The ones of the temples are. To remind me that I have gone into those temples to do baptisms for the dead and I should strive to get my endowments and be sealed to my family. But what about the prophets? Why have a picture of them? That is a good question that I still do not know the answer too. Is it because I sustain them as prophets of Heavenly Father and I know in my heart they were his servants? Is it because that is what a Mormon family suppose to have in their home? Is it a standard for a Mormon family to have them? What is the true meaning behind the pictures. I think it is because I know they were called of God to lead his church and because I support them (sustain) them, that is why I have them. Because under the guidance of prophets is where I want my home to be. I want my home built under Christ' teachings and words and my home guided by the living prophet. A home built upon the word of God has a firm foundation and can not be falter. That is the meaning behind my pictures.

St. Louis Temple

Friday August 5, 2011 was youth temple day for my branch, Concordia branch. And so since I have a temple recommend I went with them. It was youth day but anyone who had a recommend could go. The car was packed with us women and it was a nice ride up there. We ended up getting to the temple 5 minutes till 9 and mind you we left at probably 6:15ish from Concordia. When it was our time we went in our small branch and sat in the chapel waiting to do the baptisms for the dead (B4TD), when another group which I think was from blue springs accompanied us. It was nice because my branch decided to sing while we were waiting, and after th other group came in they joined in. It was so nice to hear that room filled with song. After our temple time we changed out of our clothes into our street clothes and ate lunch, I stayed behind with the CTS family, while we were eating lunch the rains came down. So our trip to the zoo was cancelled and we ended up going to the science museum, which was nice. I was pretty bummed because they had the body and mind display but you had to pay to see it. On the car ride home I was with Sis J and her boys and Klub. It was a nice being in the car with them. Sis J and I were able to talk one on one and I feel like we got to know each other more, which is awsome I really like her. I finally got home at 9:30 and feel asleep. What a beautiful memorable day it was!!

I feel like a murderer :(

Like the title says, I feel like a murderer. I have mice that I raise that are food for my snakes. My snakes are not full grown so I have to kill the mice before they reach adult size. The first time I did it I had 12 to kill, lucky Chango called me and I was able to do it as I talked to him. The second time I wasn't so lucky to have someone to talk to as I did the deed. This time I have almost 30 to kill. I have been feeding them to the snakes two at a time, but still there is a bunch to kill. Its not easy killing the mice, they are a living thing and to hear them squill and gasp for air. And their eyes, you can see the life drained. They go from this bright red to a dull grayish red. The worst is when I have to do it. What I do (yes this is graphic) is I take them with my tongs by the base of the tail, put a flat head screw driver against their neck, pull on the tail so the body is tight and quickly yank up towards the ceiling, folding their neck in half. If done right this kills them right away. But sometimes I do it wrong and there they go gasping for air. No matter how many times I do it I feel so bad. Now here's the funny part, I can take the live mouse and put it with the snake and feel nothing, no remorse. I watch them kill it then swallow it whole. But when it comes to me doing it it almost tears me apart. I think the only way to fix my solution, and when we get financially settled, I am going to buy a co2 canister and make a kill chamber so I can gas them. I think then I will not feel like a murderer. (hopefully)

I could throw it in the river and not care!!

I am so mad right now. I was writing a blog on my phone, since the library is closed I have to use my phone internet, and guess what my phone did. It turned off!! And so my blog, which was a long from the heart how I feel blog is gone. Erased, never posted, never existed. The exact thoughts I wrote are gone forever. Yes I can recall what I was blogging about, but the exact wording will not be the same. Maybe that blog was never ment to be published and that's why the phone turned off. Who knows how the world revolves. Why things happen and why they don't. As I look at it it is Gods will. But I am still mad at the stupid phone turning off. It always does this. And if I call t-mobile about it they will say, well I don't know no other reports of this happening has gone through. Ugh!

Patriarchal blessing

     It has been bugging me lately to receive my Patriarchal blessing.  So today when I get off of work I am going to jam to Concordia to have an interview with the Branch President to see if I am worthy to receive my blessing.  Some of you may be wondering what is a Patriarchal Blessing. This is what lds.org says a Patriarchal Blessing is: Patriarchal blessings are given to worthy members of the Church by ordained patriarchs. Patriarchal blessings include a declaration of a person's lineage in the house of Israel and contain personal counsel from the Lord. As a person studies his or her patriarchal blessing and follows the counsel it contains, it will provide guidance, comfort, and protection.  It is a blessing (prayer) that is received that if you follow the commandments the promises can be fulfilled. 

     For years it has been bugging me because I have not received mine.  A few months ago I was able to receive a copy of my mom's Patriarchal Blessing and some of the things that were promised to her I have seen came true.  (I am not going to go into detail about them, for they are very personal).  It made me cry to see how much was so true.   

     I can't wait to get off of work to night and head to the church.  

Finally tired!!

I am finally tired of not having t.v. I have no cable, no satilite and no bunny ears. I did go to wal-mart and buy one of those converter boxes. I spent $60, brought it home hooked it up and got 6 channels. Out of the six there was only one channel that was localish. There was one that showed reruns of the painter with big hair that made funny sounds, a few were in a different language, pbs and the weather. It so wasn't worth the $60. It didn't even get fox, and I love fox. So since I can't have bunny ears it looks like I have to pay for my t.v. I am going to have to do some major looking into. I want to be able to pick the best choice for my money. The pros and cons of cable and satalite. But first of all Chango has to bring in the dough.

What things will drive me??

How do I get motivated? Lately I have been so not motivated. I do not want to go to work. I do not want to clean or cook. I do not want my animals near me. I just do not want to do anything but stay at home. How do I get myself motivated to do stuff. I want to get on a schedule to do things. It amazes me when I go to my favorite church family and everytime I am there we have scripture reading and we visit a fellow sister. They have a schedule and they stick to it. I want to have a schedule. My ideal day is to get up around 8 am, read scriptures, pick up for 15-30 min, if the library is open then go there or spend some time with friends here in town, work, come eat dinner, read scriptures and pick up for 15 min. Then in bed no later than 11 pm. But that is an ideal day that, knowing myself, sounds good but I will not do. Even if I say im going to do it, I will probably do it for a week or two and then stop. Like today, I wonke up and did nothing, of coarse I feel like doing nothing. And I want to be a home person....

Not at all sleepy.

Why is it that some days I can be sleepy by 10pm and some days, like today, I am still away when 3am rolls around? Am I forcing myself to be awake because I don't lay in my bed and "try" to sleep? Why is it that now, as I lay in my bed writing this I all of a sudden feel the urge to sleep? But yet there afre times where I lie in bed, read or play on my phone and I have no desire to sleep. Do I have insomina or is it somthing else? Wonder what I can do to make myself sleep everytime at the same time. Then I can wake up at the same time everyday....bu thats a different post. Night ya'lls!