Wanting to change me

So I am a bit of a tom boy, a bit lazy. I don't care to dress up. I wear jeans and a tee shirt. I only shave my legs when my hubby gets mad or I feel the hair move when I walk. I never wear shorts so I don't have to be afraid of people seeing my legs. I never wear makeup unless I want to or its a special night, plus I cant wear foundation because I sweat easy. But I do want to give myself a make over because if I feel attractive I know my husband will be more attracted to me. I guess I am on my first steps I am shaving my legs and I even painted my nails. I just need to spend the money on new clothes!

A Loving Letter

Dearest Love, Lately it has seemed that you are not the man I married. And although it saddens me, I have made up my mind!! I am going to: hack off your tongue, dig your fingernails off with a rusted knife, clip off your toes with pruning shears, pluck out your eyes with hot nails, and carve out your heart with a spoon. When I am done I am going to make you the most delicious soup you have ever tasted with all my new ingredients. Don't worry my love, I will lie you in bed after you are full. Did I mention the bed is six feet below the ground? I got you some bugs to keep you company while you rest there uncomfortably. But remember while you rest to think of how much I love you and take care of you!! Sincerely, your loving wife for all time and eternity!

My Love One (poem)

My love for you will always run true. It's deeper than the ocean too! The love I feel will never go away. For you are my sun in the morning bay. Waking up in your arms brings me such bliss. Each moment with you I never want to miss. Say you'll stay, say you'll be mine, to love and hold forever and all time.

Tiny blood suckers

Never ever in my life have I seen mosquito as huge as the ones here in Missouri! At home they are tiny little blood suckers that you can hear buzz in you ear but never see. Nope not the ones here, they are so huge that you have to make sure they don't carry you back to their nest and suck on you for days on end. I hate to go out side after the sun sets because they will attack you in no time at all. Oh and if it is super hot and muggy they are all over you like stink on poo! Can't wait till winter comes, no mosquito then!!

Enjoying childhood

Lately I have been going to garage sales and thrift stores and I have found myself buying things that my mom had when I was young. I have been buying her "china" that she had and used only during special occasions. I have bought other things that remind me of my childhood. I hold my childhood dear to me. I may not remember all of it but I know I was happy and loved by my mom and dad and I wish and desire to just turn back time and live in my childhood forever.

Not feeling it =(

Today was my day off and so I wanted to get things done. It started off good, me and my friend went to Amish country and I found some really good deals. Then I came home and decided to put my shot glasses and insulators out to display them. I want to make out house look more like a home and the only way I know how is to decorate it. So after that I spoke to Chango on the phone then my step-mom. Today I didn't really eat and so it caught up to me. I wasn't feeling well so I cooked dinner, hamburger meat with zucchini onion and tomato which were bought from the Amish produce farm and I served it over noodles and added cheese. So now here I sit content off of food but yet not feeling well, I think I am still needing to get my blood sugar up from not eating that well all day. Tomorrow I have to go to work in the morning and then in the afternoon I have to go get the dogs the rabies shots and tagged. Hopefully I will feel better!!

Yes! I successfully set up my blog to where I can text my thoughts instead of going to the website. I love doing that. I have my Facebook set up the same way and it is so easy. I find it a lot easier to text it then to go through my phone to the website then post my status for Facebook. And now I can do it for my blog. I was without my blog for a few weeks and it was annoying, since the website changed it I couldn't access it through my browser. Talk about frustrating. But now it won't be!!!

This is a test....

My jobs

It seems like the life of a wife is to work work and work some more. It's actually pretty hard. Now that I look at it I think I rather have the husbands role instead of he wife's role. I work, granted it is a part time job but I tend to work at least 5 days a week. But my job does not end when I punch out for the night. When I get home I have to cook dinner, even if it is just me eating I still have to cook; feed the cats, dogs, rats, and mice and make sure they have water; and water the garden. On my days off I have to wash clothes, pick up the house, make lunch or dinner, feed and animals, clean what ever else needs cleaning, and run errands. On bill paying days I have to add that part in also. Then if my husband is home that's a totally different story and things get jumbled around or new jobs get added. At times I get over whelmed and all I want to do is just lounge around my home on my days off, but there is always something that I have to do. The jobs of a wife is never done and honestly to me a wife never has a "day off". But I don't think I would trade my life for another...

Finding things to write

I try so hard to write everyday but at times it seems so hard because I don't know what to write about. Sometimes my day is uneventful. The only thing that went on today was that Chango and I spent part of the day together. Then I went to supper out with a friend. (supper out is a thing that the local churches do every other Tuesday. They make dinner for the town and who ever wants to go they can.) During dinner we spoke to the Baptist preacher. The only thing that I can remember is thinking how is it that people can not believe in the Book of Mormon. I have a strong testimony of it. That if you read it and pray about it that it will help you in your personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. I can't believe how some people think it is contradictory to the Bible. If only they will read it they will see that it helps pull you closer to our Heavenly Father. I feel such a strong spirit that comes from it and I truly believe it is another testament of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Ever since I have read it I feel so closer to God and my love for Jesus Christ is so much stronger. I know that God is our loving father in heaven and that Jesus came to the earth and suffered for our sins. Some people think that my church follows Joseph Smith and that through him we maybe saved. But I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, that God is an unchanging God and so therefore he does speak to his children through prophets like in old time. And I know for a fact and believe with all my heart that the only way to be saved and return to our Father in heaven is through Jesus Christ!

Keeping my fingers crossed.

So today I received a phone call from the post master here in town. Last Tuesday I had an interview, and honestly I thought it went well and I had a feeling that I was going to get hired. Today she called me and had to explain a couple of more things that she just found out. She just said that if hired I would have to work full time until the post office headquarter bumped it down to part time. Then I would have those hours until they found a postmaster for this branch. So I would probably have to quit Tyler's. That part sucked because I dont want to quit I wanted to keep it as maybe apart time, on the weekend job. But at the same time could I really work two jobs? The po job works 8 hours a day and on Saturdays I believe they close at noon, which if I am off by 1 or even 3 I can work Tylers till close. (the post master here just drove by my work). Decisions, I guess I just have to talk with Paula and Cody and wait to see what kc says...

Emotions (poem)

RAGE: Can't anyone hear me screaming? PAIN: Locked deep inside my brain. HURT: I cry but no one seems to hear me. WOUNDED: How can I make this go away? BROKEN: The love you give just isn't enough. DARK: To make this cloud disappear. DEPRESSED: I can not stay like this anymore. DEFEATED: I will gladly welcome the kiss of Death!

About time!!!

So I guess this site is making changes or have made them already. Just like Facebook, they can never leave a good thing alone. I had so much to blog about but I couldn't because the site was telling my phone that blogger no longer supported my browser. Ugh! What a nightmare. I was getting frustrated and wanting to close my account and open up a new one that allowed my phone to access it. And so today while at work I was looking up blogs for mobile and lo and behold it was blogger mobile. And so I sent a text to the site to register thinking somehow I can add my existing blog or link them and what joy what blitz I was able to link my phone to my blog!!! So now just like Facebook, I can text my thoughts when ever I want!! And then of coarse when I go to the library to get on the internet I can edit it to how I like. I am just so happy right now that I can blog from my phone again!!! OH how the Lord helps out when you truely need. Something, even if it is small like being able to blog again!

How to get past the past?

Trust is always given but once it is broken how do you get past the hurt. That's the hard part for me. I was hurt and the trust I had is honestly not there. It sucks, majorly. The bed part is I wanna trust again, I am told to put the past in the past. But honestly I feel like I am going to be hurt again. Even though I was told I can trust it still feels like I am going to get hurt. How do I get past this? Once hurt, twice hurt, I don't know if I can handle being hurt for a third time. How do I get past this so that wa it isnt eating me up inside? If only I knew!

The U in Jesus

Before U were tought of or time had begun,
God stuck U in the name of His Son.
And each time U pray, you'll see it's true,
You can't spell out JesUs and not include U.
You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name,
For U, He was born; that's why He came.
And His great love for U is the reason He died.
It even takes U to spell crUcified.
Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand
He rose from the dead, with U in His plan?
The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew,
And this word resUrrection is spelled with a U.
When Jesus left earth at His Upward ascension, 
He felt there was one thing He just had to mention.
"Go into the world and tell them it's true
That I love them all- Just like I love U."
So many great people are spelled with a U,
Don't they have a right to know Jesus too?
It all depends now on what U will do, 
He'd like them to know
But it all starts with U.

I can handle more....

April 2nd was suppose to be a Joyous occasion.  It was our first year anniversary of being husband and wife, although we have been together since 2001.  But be as it may we received a phone call that my MIL was in the hospital.  After that phone call we just wasn't in the mood to celebrate for we were more into knowing how his mother was doing, lucky now she is doing better than what she was. Then a few days ago I called down to my parents house and come to find out my step mom was in the hospital also.  And so my stress level went through the roof.  Me wanting to go to the east and the west coast at the same time but yet not being able to, for some reason I feel that I have to be everywhere to try to help where I can.  The stress was so much that I began to wonder what more can go on, could I handle anything else?  Of coarse I had to snap my self back into reality and realize that I am not alone in this time, my Heavenly Father is here besides me.  So with that in mind, I can handle more.  Bring it on, cause no matter what with Heavenly Father giving me strength I can over come it and I know it will all be okay!  

Needing to count my blessings.

Ok so lately I have been feeling some what overwhelmed, tired, and not wanting to do anything. At times I feel like the move to Missouri was a wrong choice. But I think I better look back and count my blessings. Yeah, sure when we first moved here things didn't go as planned. But, we were able to get into the house we are in without having to send animals to the pound or bury them cause they didn't survive. Yes it was hard finding a job, but after 4 months living here I was able to snag one. Yes it was very hard with Chango leaving to go on the road to be a truck driver and worrying about bills and how he was going to eat. But we got married and he has an awesome job that pays more, he works less hours and is home everyday! We also got married after being together 10 years! Yes even though I have fallen back into my former state, I was able to let go of it, get back into church and even went to the temple, I gained a stronger testimony and my patriarchal blessing. Being Mormon is where I should be. Yes I have down in the dumps and missing California and thinking my move to Missouri was wrong. But I need to step back and thank my Heavenly Father and I need too count my blessings, for many great things have happened to our family since moving to Missouri!

Why do I feel this way?

At times the way I feel drives me insane! For the last 9 months I have been living alone while Chango is on the road driving. I have never liked being alone in the house and yet here I am sitting on the couch alone, well except for the dogs. I am also waiting for Chango to call, I guess the truck stop he is at is showing movies and so he is watching one or two. It drives me insane, not to be able to talk to him when I want. But I have to be more understanding; he is on the road, he needs to relax sometimes instead of being cooped up in that truck. I just can't wait till he is on a local route where he is home again. This is no life, living apart from my husband. Thats all I want is him home, by my side, making our home a home. Is that too much to ask? Am I being selfish? Why do I feel this way and not happy that he is providing for us?

Ment for eachother

I love Chango with all my heart!! I truly believe he and I were meant for each other, that we were together in the pre-mortal life, and some how we found each other in this life. You probably wonder how I can think that, and at times I wonder how I can think it also. He and I are opposites! We don't like the same type of music, our taste in movies are different, even our taste in foods are different. But even though we are different in many things, we compromise to make it work. After 10 years we have learned if we come to a middle both of us walk away happy. But we aren't always different, when we talk about our future, the type of house we want, how we want to raise our kids once we have them we tend to be on the same track. That is when we come together as one. I am so grateful to have him as a husband even though he is not perfect, but heck there was only one perfect man on this earth and he is Jesus. Heavenly Father has blessed us in our marriage and our years together and I continue to believe He will bless us in the years to come!

First post of the new year

2012, a new year. People try to make resolution lists only to throw them out the window. I was going to try to make one, but knowing me I will not stick to it, so instead I am just going to try to change a couple o things in my life. Its not that I am making a resolution list its just things that I have wanted to start changing, one is I want to be able to clean more that what I do. Usually, since I work, my house stays messy until I have company from my church coming over or Chango is coming home for the weekend. So in return I usually wait till the last minute, or day to do a fly through the house, shove things where they can't be seen and voila my house is clean. So I want to try to clean at least one room of the house a day. My other thing, which I have been working on this year, is to read my scriptures every day. I do good for a few weeks, then go without reading. I notice when I read I feel better about life cause I have the Lord's words with me. since last night was new years and the start of a new year I was hoping the year would start off right, but instead my year started a bit crappy. For hours I couldn't get a hold of Chango and I was starting to worry bad. But finally he called, he was stuck at the shipper and his phone died. I was just grateful Heavenly Father kept him safe last night, maybe hi being stuck there instead of on the road saved his life. That is a big possibility that Heavenly Father kept him off of the road and out of harms way, maybe something could have happened if he was driving with the drunks. Either reason, I am very grateful he was kept safe and I know Heavenly Father played apart of it. After all doesn't he play a part of our lives? I think certain things happen or don't happen because of him. If we just put our trust in him he will lead us and guide us through this life and this new year. Welcome 20 12, may Heavenly Father guide me through this year and bless my family!