Looking Back

Tonight I read some of my post from months ago and at times it felt like I was reading someone else's blog. I haven't been writing every day like I should. At times its nice to look back and read my emotions I felt. But for the past few months things haven't been looking good. I slumped into a dark place again. I was suppose to go on the road with Chango for about a week and is company took forever getting him home. And so I got really stressed and sad thinking I wouldn't see him at all. Luckily he was able to come home for a week. But it took a toll on me, I once again started smoking and occasional drinking. I feel like I threw away everything I worked hard for. Right now I am at a point that I can not go to the temple, which saddens me. But I am still reading my scriptures. I have read the new testament in the bible, and have started on the old testament. I read my book of Mormon. My faith in my Heavenly father hasn't wavered. But I know that if I truly try my best and repent then Heavenly Father will forgive me. I miss going to church, I have been working crazy hours and on Sundays. I miss the fellowship of my church and how I feel so welcomed each and every time. I know that is where I belong. Christmas is around the corner, the day Christ was born in this earth, the day my savor and redeemer came. I love this time of year because it makes me remember him more than what I usually do. I just need to get back on track and I know that I can't do it alone. Only with the strength of my Heavenly Father can it be done. I look forward to being where I was those few short months ago!