I know Christmas is suppose to be a joyful time of year. Why not presents, family and the real reason: Jesus' birth. But every year Christmas means a nothing thing to me. Its a reminder that another year is passing that I will not have my mom here beside me in this life. This year will be the 19th year anniversary. I have been alive for 19 years without my mom. The grief of it starts setting in as Christmas appears. Then comes the count down. I have been able to deal with it better, so to say, as the years pass but the sting and the memories of that night still play in my mind. At times I feel like I am a little kid trapped in an adult life when I think of this time of year. I know the more positive way to think of it is by celebrating her life rather than grieve, but I can't seem to get my mind to do that. She will always be my mom, she will always have my heart more than anyone else would ever have. I love her and wish she could be here with me, but most of all I keep her in my heart!
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