Saturday, April 13, 2013

You Chose the Wrong Time (Dramatic Monologue)

Warning this contains strong language and sexual content

Now you’ve done it, haven’t you?  Look at your beautiful house, I bet it cost a fortune to build, and you paid every single cent.  I could tell you were about showing off your money, I can tell by what you have on.  I bet that’s Versace, Armani or is it Gucci? Even to kill yourself you dressed up for the occasion.  Look at those shoes; you know I bet I would have to have saved for a year just to buy even one shoe. If this is what you wear I wonder what you drove. But oh well, here it is 2:30 in the morning and here I am picking your brains up from off the ground.  Ugh, what a mess you made.  How in the hell did you get your brains up on the high ceilings? Come to think of it, your brains kinds of looks like my spaghetti dinner I had last night.  Oh the wife made it real good; she added the little tiny meatballs that I love. And she even made the sauce from scratch; you could taste the basil and Italian seasonings she uses.  She knows how to make it were it’s not too runny or to thick. She even made homemade garlic bread with sprinkles of parmesan cheese on top, but that’s one of the reason’s I married her.  I totally forgot it was our anniversary; I didn’t get her a present.  So the only gift I could give her was passionate love. You know the kind that would make her feel like she was Queen of the world, the kind that makes her toes curl and she begs for more but to stop at the same time. But right in the middle of this my pager went off and here I am with you.  What a selfish bastard you are!
            I wonder if you had a wife or a girlfriend or maybe even both. Mind if I look around?  Why am I asking for your permission, you’re dead!  Oh yes, here she is on your little mantel above your fire place.  Did she position it here, or did you do that so that why she would feel like you love her enough to look at her every day?  Wow what a looker she is, her long blond hair, that goes around all the down to her butt, and those eyes: as big and bright as the sky. Her body isn’t that bad either, she looks like she actually has a little bit of meat on her bones, just how I like them. Those legs, what long voluminous tree trunks they are, boy would I love to have those wrapped around me and pull me in tight!   So did you ever make love to her? Woo her in to your bed in a seductive dance? Do a love dance like the pigeons, bobbing their heads at each other, while they turn circles, cooing.  Or are you like a gorilla beating your chest to show you are big and bad, dominating her by throwing her around? I would have loved to fuck her.
            But I wonder what drove you to spread your head?  Come on let’s flip you over and examine your front side.  Weren’t you a handsome man, what a shame! What a pity!  So what did drive you to off yourself?  You had money, a nice house, a good looking woman.  If only I could read what you were thinking at the time of you death.  I bet it was because of your woman, or women.  I bet you they drove you insane, maybe they found out about each other, or maybe you actually had one woman and she cheated on you.  Wanting to leave you and take all your money with her.  Yeah my wife would drive me insane. One day I bet I am going to be the one with my brains spewed everywhere because my wife drove me to do it, and there is going to be a horny death picker-upper talking to me, like I am to you, because I disturbed him in the middle of love making.

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